Hari paling menyedihkan setakat ni
Hari ni merupakan hari yg paling menyedihkan dalam hidup iols setakat ni…owh NOT bcoz its the last day of Sidek as KSN (wakaka takde kaitan lansung)
Actually.. 1 jun hari tu iols buat IVF. Patutnya rabu ni 27/6 temujanji dgn dr.. Tapi hari ni my period come… Hmmm apa perasaan iols..
Kecewa, sedih, takut, blank… Airmata tak keluar dah.. Sebab 2 hari lepas iols dah jenuh menangis bila mula2 spotting. Then buat urine test .. Result negatif. So 2 hari nangis.. Kering dah airmata ni.
Cuma.. Kesian incik suami.. Nampak sangat dia kecewa.. I’m so sorry my love, bcoz of me you could not experience the joy of fatherhood.
Sesungguhnya aku dah tak rasa aku kuat utk teruskan semua ni… Duit pun dah tak berapa nak ada.. Hmm hubby tak nak anak angkat.. So apakah??
Sapa tak nak anak sendiri.. Org yg tak betul je tak nak anak sendiri.. Tapi kalau dah usaha segala jenis usaha pun masih tak berjaya then shouldn’t I just stop. Adakah iols dikira berputus asa atau sekadar menerima takdir??
Yes kalau ikut hati.. Aku mempersoalkan kenapa kami tak dikurniakan zuriat sendiri sedangkan dari segi kemampuan kami lebih pada mampu. Kenapa budak2 pompuan yg sibuk buang anak sana sini tu senang je nak mengandung n beranak.. Tapi kalau terus pikir macam tu.. Maknanya aku mempersoalankan ketentuanNYA. Tak cukup ke dosa aku di dunia ni sampai nak jadi murtad plak kan.. So istifar banyak banyak.. Tarik nafas.. N nangis sekali sekala… Then life goes on…
Seriuslly..andai kata suatu hari nanti.. Ikatan perkahwinan ni tak dapat dipertahankan kerana isu ni.. Aku tak akan persoalankan coz.. Setiap manusia bernikah untuk 2 perkara (1) menghalalkan hubungan suami isteri dan (2) untuk mendapat zuriat. Kalau dah kawin tak berzuriat what the point of it kan.. Owh masih ada la reason (1) but sampai bila kan.
Oklah.. Just sharing my sadness with who ever yang membaca.. Doakan yang terbaik utk saya ok.. Yang penting semoga keimanan iols terpelihara 🙂
My Way 
Hello Anis, baru terperasan entri ni and I would not leave an advice as I am in no position to do so but instead share with you a life reminder.
Everyone does not have a perfect life… some are blessed with family life, some are don’t, some with partners some are don’t … I always believed that such mystery of life that reminds you that you have one another, strengthen or weaken the bond or add some meaning in life (like being more grateful for what you have and what you don’t).
You reminded me of a very good friend, who tried so many years to conceive. But when she finally did, she realised few things – both she and her husband got better careers so they can provide better care for their child, their bond grew stronger personally and professionally (as both are successful in their own right) and they are also emotionally ready /more mature in handling their bundle of joy.
Don’t let general perceptions consume you… it is just a way some people vent their jealousy on you. But most people (kalau u baca Gretchen Rubin) … they don’t even bother. Embrace life, and the challenges that come with an open heart. For everything happens for a reason. And in your case, it is not that you didn’t even try.
Taken from the movie Gone with the Wind … “don’t think about it today, think about tomorrow… ” Hope one day you will find your answer.
Thanks Jamie,
You will get zuriat soon, Insya Allah..kerana Allah menerima doa seseorang yang mendoakan saudaranya..Insya Alllah..Take Care..